EP362 You’re Doing It Wrong — Author Joe Dillon on the POWER UP Method
Most couples don’t have a hundred different fights, they have two or three, over and over, “just wearing a different hat and a fake mustache.” On this episode, divorce mediator and author Joe Dillon, founder of Equitable Mediation and creator of the POWER UP Method, returns to the LMI Podcast to talk about his first book, You’re Doing It Wrong: A Professional Negotiator’s Seven-Step Framework for Married Couples (anticipated June 2027). Watch 2025 episode with Joe.
Watch the full conversation:
About Joe Dillon
Joe has been a conflict-resolution professional for 30 years — first in corporate contract negotiation, and for the past two decades in private practice at Equitable Mediation, helping couples end their marriages peacefully, without attorneys, when they choose to. He’s trained at Harvard’s Program on Negotiation, holds an MBA in finance (an unusual background for a divorce mediator), and has reached over a million visitors through his writing. Now he’s distilling 30 years of patterns into a practical framework for married couples who want an actual answer — not just “respectful communication.”
What we covered
- Why most negotiation books fail married couples — they’re either “crush your enemy” corporate playbooks or “let’s discuss our neural pathways” therapy-speak. Neither helps you decide where to go to dinner on Tuesday.
- The “I’ve decided” pattern — the one root underneath nearly every recurring argument (see: the Home Depot truck and the surprise new shed).
- “Your marriage isn’t broken” — even a professional negotiator and his wife fall into the same traps; the goal is to laugh at the cliché and keep trying.
- The POWER UP framework — seven steps for any hard conversation: Prepare the connection · Outline your request · Weigh their perspective · Express your why · Reward with value · Use patience · Proceed accordingly.
- The step most couples botch — “prepare the connection” (a.k.a. don’t ask about a second dog while your spouse is on their back under a leaking sink).
- “Violent agreement” — a term Joe coined for two people who want the same thing and are still yelling about it.
- The marriage bank — the deposits and withdrawals (the jacket on the floor, the briefcase you trip over) that quietly add up.
- The biggest negotiation mistake — failing to prepare for what your spouse will say back, and how naming their objections first keeps them listening.
“You’re so busy in the argument that you’re forgetting that you want to resolve it.” — Joe Dillon
Connect with Joe
- The book: powerupmethod.com (sign up for the first chapter)
- Mediation practice: equitablemediation.com
- Personal site: thejoedillon.com
Catch Joe’s first appearance, EP318 “Don’t Let Your Divorce Become a Disaster,” in the archive.
Listen & subscribe
New episodes publish on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and Amazon Music. Subscribe and follow along at LMIPodcast.com. Want to be a guest? Start here: lmipodcast.com/prepare.
